he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
