im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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