Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
