Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
