Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
