Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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