If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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