i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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