I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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