I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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