This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
