Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
