Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
