my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We're too hungover to prance.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
