the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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