I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
