haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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