omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
