im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
