PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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