I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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