I think I won the penis lottery.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm always down for nudity.
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