She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
