you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
