We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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