Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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