I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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