It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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