i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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