it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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