dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
