Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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