Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
