Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
