I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
