Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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