You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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