Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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