we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
