i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
