I need to stop coming to work sober
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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