he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
