fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think people are normalizing furries
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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