what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
