I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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