mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
