I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
