and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
