First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
