honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
