she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
